Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
