dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Randomize
