Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
