so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
