I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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