we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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