Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
This gyro tastes like lonliness
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Success! We fucked roommates!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
