Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
