dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
