ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
false alarm. still invincible.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
