White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
