the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
