how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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