i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
