note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
