Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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