I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
