Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
