how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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