So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
