What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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