What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
