i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize