I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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