Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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