It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
