are you still at the devil's house?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
