Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
