I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize