Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
