sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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