If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
