well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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