He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
whose ass print is on the piano?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
