Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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