Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
