I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
false alarm, still single
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
