Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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