He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The power of my boobs compel you
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
