our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
