I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize