"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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