i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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