She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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