I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
