On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
