You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize