she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize