if only i could text you this smell
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
