walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
