You work out of a Hotel?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
