Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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