Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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