Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize