I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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