I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
