We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
