You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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