Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
