Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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