It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
