Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
