Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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