Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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