I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
