dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
